2018 Infiniti QX80

D ubai is truly a magnificent city, a showcase of what can be accomplished if you know what you want and you have the will and the cash to see it through. Everything is clean, efficient, high-tech and luxurious, from the skyscrapers along Sheikh Zayed Road to the international airport, where I just arrived to take part in the Infiniti QX80 drive event.

Even finding my driver was easy and efficient, thanks to a nice lady wearing an Infiniti vest waiting for me at the arrivals lounge. Five minutes later, my small carry-on – I was told to keep it small because of weight restrictions on the helicopter, which I will tell you about in a minute – and I were secure in a sweet Q50 – they were sticking with the Infiniti theme all the way – and heading for the first stage of what would be an interesting experience.

The car entered the Dubai Police Academy – no, I wasn’t being arrested – and delivered me to the compound’s heliport, where a dozen or so other journalists had also congregated in order to take part in the event. It appeared we would be flown by helicopter to the Ritz-Carlton Al Wadi Desert in Ras al-Khaimah, where the next day we would partner up in a convoy of 2018 QX80s and try them out on a variety of road surfaces.

After a quick meal of sandwiches and juice, we collected our gear and headed to the choppers. If you’ve never been in one, they’re really awesome, assuming you’re wearing noise-cancelling headsets. They also cut down the trip from Dubai to Ras al-Khaimah from two hours to 30 minutes, which is a definite plus.

The problem, however, was getting in the bloody thing. The helicopter’s floor was higher than my waist while I was standing on the tarmac, and I was supposed to get in without a stepladder. With all sorts of camera equipment attached to my person, I was supposed to gracefully hop up about a meter in order to be seated in this thing. What did I look like, an athlete? I can’t even get out of a pool without a ladder. Who came up with this brilliant plan?

In the end, I abandoned all semblance of dignity, chucked my gear on the seat and shimmied up backward till I was sitting on the floor of the cabin, then threw up one leg at a time until I was safely in. I don’t think anyone saw, except maybe the pilot, but I’m guessing he had seen people clamber on board in much dignified manners.

We took off and soon arrived at Al Wadi, where we checked in and were taken to our villas in electric buggies. Those things are awesome, except when going uphill, in which case you need to get out and push.

The villa was nice, with its own pool, and the Infiniti team had left a souvenir: a thick bathrobe with the Infiniti logo embroidered on it, the kind people steal from hotels. Did it not occur to anyone that if they asked us to bring a small carry-on with just enough room for our clothes we would have nowhere to put that huge bathrobe? I couldn’t exactly wear it back to Beirut, could I? Sorry bathrobe, you’re staying here.

After a quick nap in “my” villa, a quick shower and a cup of coffee, I joined the others for dinner out under the stars. The meal was interesting, but the conversation was even more so.

When you put together a dozen men and women around a dinner table, the topic will inevitably drift to relationships, with each gender voicing dissatisfaction with the quirks of the other. He’s incorrigible. She’s trying to change me. My mother–in–law meddles. She keeps calling me at work.

Although the dinner was fun, driving the QX80s the next morning was a great deal more illuminating. I called dibs on a nice dark blue example with cream interior and didn’t have to share it with anyone because one of the organizers was riding shotgun. Sweet!

If you’ve seen the previous QX80, you probably hated it – it looked like the love child of a bulldozer and a bus, and that was after the 2015 makeover. The latest refresh (re-refresh?), however, is quite handsome.

It’s still imposing and represents Infiniti’s answer to the Cadillac Escalade. The headlights, now slimmer and more refined, are placed higher. The hood extends further out and has a sharper edge, and the chrome grille is tighter and more attractive. In fact, the entire front fascia has been redesigned, including the lower bumper, so much so that it bears a striking resembling to the lovely Q60 coupe.

The graphic lines along the sides are higher and crisper, lending this SUV a far younger stance, while at the rear the new LED taillights are connected by a wide decorative chrome strip.

Completing the radical redesign are the massive optional 22-inch rims, whose size visually offsets the car’s bulk. And of course there’s the requisite running board, which is not only well-designed but also practical. Why didn’t the helicopter have a running board? I bet if Infiniti designed choppers it would have had the things high on its list of priorities …

Inside, it looks like an entire herd of cows gave their lives so I could sit on all that supple leather. Although I picked the car with the cream interior, you have the option of Saddle Brown leather if you get the Deluxe Technology Package. You also get a digital rearview mirror that displays feed directly from a camera integrated in the rear glass.

You have two ginormous cup holders in the center console with handle cutouts. My advice is don’t put anything in there except mugs because they rattle and drive you nuts while driving on rough terrain. Curiously, despite the fine finish and premium materials throughout the QX80, Infiniti for some reason chose to use less than the best-quality plastic to mold those cup holders. I’ve seen better in cars costing a fraction of the price.

On the tech front, Infiniti has relocated the USB ports to the dashboard – more practical than hiding them in the storage cubby in the console – and the Bose stereo (optional) gains two speakers to fill the cabin with music via a total of 15 units. Of course we completely failed to pair my iPhone with the car after numerous attempts, whether while driving or while parked, despite the clearly impressive infotainment system, so we resorted to listening to whatever was playing on FM radio.

One thing you immediately feel while driving the QX80 is the serenity of the interior. It’s silent and soothing, like you’re in another world. The naturally aspirated 5.6-liter V-8, producing 400 horsepower and 560 Newton-meters of torque, quickly gets this 3-ton brute to speed, its growl permeating the interior just enough to let you know more or less where the rpm is. Its seven-speed automatic remains inconspicuous, silently doing its job without fanfare.

The car is definitely top-heavy, as you would expect from something of this size, but the ride was relatively composed and sumptuous, although once in while the live-rear-axle setup would make its presence known on small bumps.

As you probably guessed, we drove in a convoy, and it reinforced how much I dread driving in the Emirates. Yes, the country has wonderful roads and other motorists are considerate and actually follow traffic laws. But therein lies the problem.

When you’re driving in the UAE, you’re always worried that you might inadvertently break some traffic law that you’ve never heard of, and as result you’re more conservative in your driving than anyone else on the road. It also doesn’t help when you have no idea where you’re going, so you need to stick close to the cars in front of you.

Which brings us to roundabouts. They were everywhere and presented a serious challenge to keeping the convoy together. The cars in front entered the roundabout, but I had to wait like a law-abiding tourist because there was a truck coming around. And it was a long truck. Remember the Star Destroyer in the opening scene of “A New Hope” that filled the screen and simply wouldn’t end? Just like that.

By the time it passed, I could barely make out the other QX80s. They were so far ahead that I wasn’t even sure whether it was them. I could make out a white blur, that was it. And they were traveling at the speed limit, meaning in order to catch up I would have had to break every rule in the book. But I didn’t relish the idea of going back to the Police Academy in handcuffs, so I just drove at the speed limit and hoped for the best.

At one point the road swung around a hill, and as soon I came around I spotted the other QX80s on the other side of the highway coming toward me. I realized the group had taken an exit that was just ahead and, after taking a quick look in the rearview, I slammed on the brakes so hard that I probably removed an inch of rubber from the tires, bringing the SUV from 120 kilometers an hour to a crawl in seconds. I flung the car into the exit and just barely managed to get out of the way before the car behind me pulled the same maneuver. I really should insist on knowing where we’re going next time.

I caught up with them just as they were taking the cars off-road and proceeded to climb a rocky stretch designed for barely one car. Of course, as luck would have it, we encountered a host of pickup trucks that had chosen that exact moment to descend the hill, which required some clever maneuvers and mirror-folding to avoid damaging the pristine, albeit now-dusty QX80s.

A lot of cars today boast all-wheel-drive systems, but the truth is they are little more than driver aids in case you encounter inclement weather and slippery surfaces. The QX80, however, despite its regal exterior and sumptuous interior, is made to conquer rocky terrain with aplomb, assuming that’s where you want to take it. I’d totally be content enjoying its lusciousness in the city, except of course if I had to venture into tight, confined streets where its bulk might prove a detriment. It can certainly handle such roads, but why take the risk of scraping it?

At the top of the hill, we parked in front of a white Infiniti kiosk set up by the organizers, had a coffee and rested. All those handsome dust-covered QX80s parked beside one another were certainly a sight, demanding that I marvel once again at how much of a difference a simple refresh can make.

The rest of the drive was more of the same, climbing back down, taking the highway, crossing more roundabouts and returning back to Al Wadi.

I liked the new QX80 and can totally picture it fitting in nicely in both urban and rural environments, with the looks to make heads turn. It may not be the most sophisticated three-row SUV on the road, but it certainly has presence and can do its job without complaint. It won’t be forgotten anytime soon, especially as it brought together a lot of like-minded people and inspired new friendships.

By the way, the helicopter that flew me back to Dubai had running boards. Next time, lead with that guys!